Dad's Garden

Dad has always been the real gardener in the family. He grew up on a giant cattle farm in Indiana, and then we had a small farm in NY for 20+ years. When they moved to this house in Bloomington 2 1/2 years ago, Dad was really excited to put in a garden, vegetables on one side and flowers on the other. He spent lots of time out there nurturing his creation, and in many ways it provided both therapy and a creative outlet for him. We're all going to try to learn how to keep this up, and while Mom may change around some of the plantings - she's thinking of putting in sunflowers next year rather than some of the higher-maintenance veggies - this garden will continue to be one of the many ways in which we'll remember Dad every day.

Here we start with the herb garden. Look at these! Dad was able to grow things that I'm only dreaming of at this point - he's got Italian basil, mint, chives, dill, thyme, more stuff that I can't even recognize yet. It smells fantastic.

Tomatoes in the back, a row of eggplant, and some peppers that look like they'll take another year to really take hold.

Then Dad has a huge zucchini plant - look at those flowers!



These are a really rare onion that grows under the ground but also sprouts bulbs at the top. Dad got these from his father, who still farms, and he was so proud that these took hold so well.

Dad's shed, his little world out in the back yard. It's filled with gardening tools, fertilizer, and lots of birdseed. They love to watch the birds, and I spent a lot of hours watching the activity in the back yard in the early mornings, constantly amazed by the 3 bright red cardinals that come to visit every day.

And here we move into the flower side of the garden. Even with my parents being gone for a month, there was enough rain that it held up pretty well.



Our family mascot, since 1974.








Over the weekend, we hung Dad's Tibetan prayer flags in the garden. These are the flags I gave him for Christmas. Tradition holds that as the flags wear and disintegrate, the prayers are released into the world. They really look beautiful blowing in the breeze.

In Loving Memory

I never knew this would be the last picture I'd have of my Dad, but it's pretty perfect. This was Christmas Day 2008. I gave him those Tibetan prayer flags as a present, since he was becoming so interested in Buddhism and was so excited about his upcoming trip. I'll treasure this memory, and countless others, for the rest of my life. I love you, Dad. I always have, and I always will.

Call Me Doolittle

I was reading a book last night, sort of a memoir, in which the narrator goes on at length about how he's not at all an animal person. He talked about not having had any pets growing up, and living in a suburb where there was not a single pet on their street. He never saw animals just around the neighborhood and now, as an adult, he just doesn't feel comfortable around animals.

Well, that just struck me as sad. Cuz I've had animals around me all my life. And thinking about this stuff gave me the perfect opportunity to do a little scanning so I can share with you all some of my favorite furry friends.

First of all, we were a dog family. Big time. Mom had her heart set on Scottish Terriers and the story goes something like she had a bet with my Dad over a football game and she won, so they got their first puppy. First of six - those Scotties were just as much a part of our family as any of us. I really can't imagine my childhood without them, and because they were all so amazing I can't wait to someday have some dogs -- yes, probably Scotties - of my own.

An early family portrait - this is roughly 1983. Reagen's on the left, holding Patty (my Mom's oldest baby) and I've got Bonnie. Patty was absolutely the oldest child of the family and always knew she was a queen. Look at her posing! She automatically posed whenever anyone pulled out a camera, total first child behavior. :-) Bonnie was a sweet girl who *loved* the farm and adored being outside with my Dad while he did his chores.

Here we are again, roughly 1991 or so? (Yes, Reagen's wearing a hypercolor shirt.) Dad's holding Mickey, our one and only male dog. All of our dogs were amazing but Mickey probably had the strongest personality of all of them, and he's the one we still tell the most stories about to this day. Mom's got Abigail on our left - Abby was the absolute baby but she made it to be the last dog standing and totally enjoyed the role of being queen of the house in her later years. Rory is on Mom's lap, and she was a little spitfire who we sadly lost way too soon. She and Abby were a crazy pair as puppies, and it's really too bad they didn't get the chance to grow older together. Maggie is closest to me, and she was another sweet girl who was a little grumpy as she got older. Poor girl had skin problems and was never very comfortable, but she was a perfect companion for those awkward teen years, cuz she would sit and cuddle for hours.


The dogs were a huge part of our lives, but we did have other animals, too. Like cats - lots of them. We had barn cats and pretty much shared them with the 2 farms next door, so we always lost count. There were usually about 50 or so cats roaming around each year, with 1-2 litters of new kittens every summer. Barn cats don't have a great survival rate, and ours were definitely more on the wild side so not very cuddly. But the dogs and cats always got along really well, and it meant we were never very far from having a little furry creature underfoot.

Sheep! We had sheep! For about 15 years, we had a flock of sheep that grew to be about 70 in number. We did sell the wool (I've carded raw wool) and the lamb, so we learned not to grow too attached even though they were dang adorable as little lambs.

This is Monster, our ram. We had him for about 10 years, and he was another very memorable character. For fairly obvious reasons, you only keep one adult ram at a time - and he very much enjoyed being the star of the show. Both Mom and Dad had some scars from his temper over the years.

Sometimes, a lamb would end up orphaned or for some reason the ewe wouldn't "take" to her babies - so we would bottle-raise them in the house. For weeks at a time. I think at the most, one winter, we had 5 lambs in the house. They would be making noise, crying and bleating for their bottles, all night long. Living on a farm is an adventure! And you don't always want to invite friends over...

We had goats, too! These were the first two, Nubians, who started our little mini-herd that grew to about 7 over time. They would eat ANYTHING and once I was standing right at this stall door as Billy (creative name) leaned over and started eating my coat right off of me.

Sometimes we had to raise orphan goats in the house, too. This is Penny and she had an identical twin sister we named Miranda. My goodness, they were adorable!!! Once they grew up we gave them to a neighboring farm.

We also had chickens, ducks, geese, rabbits (they really do reproduce like mad), and a huge koi pond filled with exotic fish. Animals everywhere!

After I left the farm, I kept up the family tradition of having a fish tank in my dorm rooms for years, and in my first apartment. I briefly had an adorable pet rabbit, all black, who I named Gatsby. Sadly, Gatsby had a very common rabbit disease and didn't make it very long. That was pretty traumatic for me, the first pet I had all on my own and he died so quickly.

All of this, of course, was preparation to bring someone very special into my life... the little girl who totally rules my world AND my apartment.... trusty cat Cleo!!! Pretty soon we'll celebrate our 12th anniversary together. Time flies when you've got a happy little face to come home to. :-)

Our Family Christmas Tradition

We're not really much of a "tradition" kind of family -- there's just the 4 of us, so our holidays are always pretty low-keyed and more about just spending time together.

BUT, there is one activity that my Mom started when we were really little, and even now that we're in our 30's (well, little bro will be in a few weeks) it's still something we look forward to at Christmastime: making fun Christmas-shaped sugar cookies!

It's super-easy... we start with a tube (we each get our own) of store-bought sugar cookie dough. Then, using a knife, we slice the dough and then use our hands to start making some very familiar Christmas shapes.

Here you see two snowmen, an angel with her wings, a Christmas tree, and a jolly little elf with a hat.

When making the cookies, it is best to try to get some uniform size of the dough so it cooks evenly. Snowmen, cuz they're rolled-up balls, are always the gooiest.... YUM.

Here are more snowmen, another angel (with a bigger head this time), and a sad-looking elf. The one shape I forgot to make was a candy cane, but you can picture how easy that is too. I like my cookies plain, my bro adds red and green sprinkles. You could ice them, too, but doesn't that just delay the tastiness???

Deelish!!! I don't know who enjoys this more, my bro & me for making them, or my DAD for eating them! This year, he grabbed one off of my bro's pan so fast he burned his hands, and we laughed reminding him that these cookies do come out at 350 degrees!

Good times. :-)

Playing Tour Guide

I am happy to report that Mom and Dad have had another successful trip to our nation's capital, and after 4 days I'm very tired but proud of all that we were able to accomplish even in spite of the dang cold Alberta Clipper that hit us in the face. They had a few places they wanted to see, I had a few exhibits on the agenda, and while their goal was to walk all over the city we did have to curb some of our plans cuz we were just plain freezing. Here's the rundown:

Day 1: Wednesday

After treating Mom and Dad to the fun of transferring on Metro with suitcase on the way home from the airport, we took a little while to explore my new NW neighborhood. They were very impressed, and totally agree that it was worth the upgrade from my old 16th St digs.

After wandering for a while, we had lunch at a place I'd been wanting to try - Yanni's Greek Taverna in Cleveland Park. While Mom and Dad both enjoyed it, I have to agree somewhat with those reviews in the Post. I liked the hummus, but I had a terrible overcooked spanakopita. Really, it was burned on the bottom and the filling was so dried out it was hard. Dad insisted I send it back - I NEVER do that - and the second one I got was at least cooked correctly, but was still terribly salty. Service was okay and the location is convenient, but I'm not going to be rushing back for a return trip to a place where I had to send something back. Like I said, though, my parents both thought their meals were delicious.

After lunch and a quick stop into the National Building Museum to show my parents the Great Hall (site of the G20 meetings - Dad's a CNBC addict), we headed down to the Mall for our first cultural item on the agenda: Pompeii and the Roman Villa at the National Gallery of Art. I really enjoyed this show, and while Dad wasn't too interested at the start I think he liked it, too. The exhibit focuses on the lavish lifestyles of the well-off Romans who had seaside villas in that doomed town. This was a great collection of statues, mosaics, frescoes (like the one to the right), sculptures, jewelry, and housewares, all about 2000 years old. The age of the pieces is impressive enough, and while the style of the art looks familiar to anyone who's taken art history or classics, the organization of the exhibit does help tell a story about a culture that had no idea it was about to end. Word to the wise, though, skip the $5 audio tour - but do watch the 10 minute documentary in the gallery.

With a quick dinner at Gordon Biersch - and fried food lover Dad's first order of calamari for the trip - we then called it a day. A successful day!

Day 2: Thursday

We got up early on Thursday and had a very busy day. First up, we made our way to the National Museum of Natural History and its new Sant Ocean Hall. As a Resident Associates member, I scored us entree to a free lecture about the mysterious creatures that live in the deep. Dad, who actually has an undergrad degree in zoology, was tickled pink, which was a nice surprise for me since I wasn't sure if they'd be down with an hour-long lecture. It was both educational and fun, cuz the lecturer had a good dry sense of humor, and made me glad I've rejoined the Resident Associates program this year. I'll be back! The Ocean Hall itself, though, wasn't a favorite stop on our visit -- cuz it's mainly geared towards kids and at about 11 am on a weekday it was just teeming with teenagers on field trips. Eeek!

I had to go to work for a few hours Thursday afternoon, so after a quick lunch at the Sculpture Garden cafe watching the ice skaters, Mom and Dad went off on one of their own adventures. They've never actually seen the Jefferson Memorial, so they headed off toward the Tidal Basin and in about a 3 hour walk covered the Jefferson, FDR, Korean War, and Vietnam War memorials. They were happy and a little tired.

After a coffee break in the Kogod Courtyard at the Reynolds Center, with some live jazz in the background, we took in the special Bicenentennial exhibit One Life: The Mask of Lincoln at the National Portrait Gallery. This is a small one-room exhibit, but it packs in a lot of information. By documenting the changes in Lincoln over the course of his public life, as seen through the new technology of photography, the exhibit tells the story of a nation at war with itself. The photos are striking, of course, but I was really impressed with the comprehensive labels throughout. You can pick up a lot of the history of Lincoln's life and Presidency through this exhibit, and I strongly recommend taking advantage of their cell phone audio tour. This exhibit left me, admittedly a Lincoln fan, wanting more. Though they didn't produce a catalog for this exhibit, I'll be going back soon to see the Lincoln's Inauguration show, also at the Reynolds Center.

We took a quick peek as well at the Georgia O'Keeffe and Ansel Adams show, Natural Affinities, at American Art. This was a good one to walk through quickly - as we were all almost at the cultural saturation point for the day - as both artists offered strong, bold visuals that were great to look at but didn't require much interpretation. Mom and I had actually seen several of the pieces at the O'Keeffe Museum on our Santa Fe trip a few years ago, and it was nice to see them juxtaposed ith Adams's photographs. Another recommendation here.

After a very enjoyable dinner with Scotte and J-Lo, talking politics and travel at Ella's Pizza - during which Dad had his second fried calamari appetizer of the trip - the 'rents and I called it a night. Color us exhausted, 2 nights in a row.

Day 3: Friday

The cold started to take its toll, as Friday was extremely blustery and gave us the first snow flurries of the season. We decided to take things at a more leisurely pace. Cuz really, who needs to freeze while playing tourist?

We spent the morning visiting the Washington National Cathedral, which really is gorgeous. I recommend taking one of the free docent tours, as our volunteer guide spent almost an hour with us pointing out really interesting symbolism in the art and architecture and filling us in on the history of the nation's cathedral. My own personal allergies to any intermingling of church and state aside, it's an amazing landmark. This is another site where we were dodging hordes of unruly teenagers, and I had the very disappointing experience of seeing a few boys stealing money out of a donation plate. Aaargh.

We happened to be there the morning that the volunteers were setting up all of the Thanksgiving decorations, which was cool to watch. I took a lot of pictures, and would've taken more of the outside if it weren't freakin' miserably cold in the wind. Here's one of my faves from inside, where it was warm:

After lunch at my favorite standby, Cafe Luna in Dupont, Mom and Dad went off in the snow flurries on another of their own adventures to visit the Library of Congress. I took the afternoon to check in with the office on a few things and take a nap. Hey, it's my vacation too, and playing tour guide is a lot of work!

Then, Friday night, I brought Mom and Dad to one of my favorite things in DC -- a photography lecture at the National Geographic. These are always a treat, as I love learning about the photographers' experiences and what they learned about their subjects, and I like that there's always some sort of political, humanitarian or conservation message to the talks. This was another good one.

Day 4: Saturday

Today we had grand plans, but the cold is seeping into our bones so we took it very easy. We made our way up to Bethesda for a good lunch of soup and sushi (and Dad's third order of friend calamari) at Raku, then scrapped our agenda of spending the afternoon walking around at Hillwood. We all agreed we should save that for a future visit when it's warmer. Nap time again!

Tonight, Dad stayed in and watched football with a pizza. Mom came over to my place, and we were both amazed watching the original 1975 documentary Grey Gardens. The musical I saw last week is based on this film and its incredible story of the destitute relatives of Jackie O. It was an interesting mother-daughter experience, watching this film of a horrible mother-daughter relationship gone wrong. Good times.

Day 5: Sunday

What's left to do? Not much -- brunch in the morning, then heading back to the airport. The timing for this trip worked out well, and while I'll be sad to see them go I'll see them again in just about a month. And then it'll be their turn to entertain me! :-)

Off They Go!

Remember way back once upon a time in 2007, I shared my parents' exciting future plans to celebrate their big 60th birthday year? Well, today's finally the day! They're beginning the long journey to Tanzania and their climb of Mount Kilimanjaro. They're going to see the snow caps before they melt. Wish I could too!


I'm really proud of them - they've been training for months, and have been walking more than 7 miles a day almost every day for the last few months. Yes, you may recall, Dad had a triple bypass just a year ago. But when they get motivated about something, they do it and have the time of their lives.

And, when they get back, Mom's planning to commemorate the occasion by getting a tattoo (?!?) of Kili on her shoulder. Trying to wrap my head around that one...

I really hope they have a great trip, and I can't wait to see the pictures!

Greetings from B'ton!

After a pretty couple of weeks that have been jam-packed - both intellectually and emotionally draining - yet thankfully successful, I am taking a break.... and since life's a little slower in Bloomington, Indiana, this feels like the right place at the right time!

While my last few days in DC have been completely dominated by heated, cynical political conversations - Hillary vs. Barack! Gerry Ferraro! All Spitzer, all the time! - the first night in Indiana has had a surprising theme. Maybe my family's not all that unusual after all, but I certainly didn't expect to be coming home to a night of dirty jokes and porn references!

Example #1 - My brother, a high school guidance counselor, has apparently picked up a whole repertoire of bad jokes from his students and coworkers. A sample... (Warning, this may be offensive to a group of people who will probably never read this blog, but my whole family laughed. That said, prepare for poor taste....) Q. What do you call a man with his hand up a horse's a@@? A. An Amish mechanic. Yikes!

Example #2 - Again, from my brother... according to his entertainment sources (which I could Google but, frankly, haven't), today's main reason for celebration is that it just so happens to be Mr. Ron Jeremy's 55th birthday. Raise a glass! (Or, as a texting friend said, raise any other appropriate part of the anatomy.)

Example #3 - This was the most disturbing. The fam went out for dinner at a sushi/ichiban steakhouse kinda place. We sat at one of the big grilling tables with another family of complete strangers, an older couple, their adult daughter, and her baby. As we were all perusing the menu, my doesn't-have-an-inside-voice Mom said "Hey look, you can get a screaming orgasm!" (Yes, this was on the menu.) I literally covered my ears with my hands until she stopped laughing about it. The older guy next to her looked over at me and laughed when I said "Things you never want to hear your mother order...."

What's in the water here in Bloomington? Or has the Spitzer scandal made dirty jokes cool again?

By the way, I also had a nice little reminder that people really DO talk politics outside the Beltway. At the restaurant, the table behind us was filled with a group of office-type coworkers. And right here in Bloomington, Indiana, they had a lengthy discussion about delegate math and brokered conventions, about the popular vote vs. the electoral college, and about why they want Hillary to stay in the race so that they can vote for her in the IN primary in May. Bam!

A Surprise in the Mail

A member of my immediate family just got a recruiting letter from the United States Air Force. But it's not who you might think..... my 29-year-old brother? Oh no. It was my soon-to-be 60-year-old Dad!

He got a letter recruiting doctors to the USAF, and apparently they'll take people until age 61. The last Dad could remember, which would be the last time he was eligible, the cut-off was 35.

This is not a good sign for the military's recruitment efforts....

Needless to say, Dad is not going to apply. The letter offered the perk of 45 days of paid vacation a year. Dad's already enjoying 365.

Best. Gift. Ever.

Remember on Christmas Eve, when I posted my list for Santa? And the one thing I wanted Santa to bring most of all was nothing other than the man of my dreams. Yeah, big expectations, right?

Well, imagine my surprise to find that under here...


... the hottest of all hotties was all wrapped up with a bow? Woohoo!


My brother got me Sawyer for Christmas! A talking Sawyer, with a full-size prop. Don't be naughty.... it's a replica of Sawyer's childhood letter. Proof of his tortured soul, the vulnerable, hurt, scared child inside that sculpted exterior. (Ha!)

Yes, my friends, Santa decided I was very nice this year!

What I Want for Christmas

I admit I'm a terrible person to buy gifts for (for whom to buy gifts? that doesn't sound right), cuz I don't like lists and I subscribe to the "just saw something that reminded me of you" school of gift-giving. For me, ideally, it isn't about the gift itself but the fact that someone was thinking of you in a special way. And there really are sugar-plum fairies, I swear!

I've bent a bit over the last few years, giving away a standard-but-personal gift to most people... but in my heart I would still really like to receive those special, thoughtful, personal gifts. But I know that's harder and harder, especially cuz my family doesn't see me enough to really know my personal tastes... so, I do the lists, mostly of the Amazon.com variety.

I suck at sticking to that too, and my family just busted me for being someone who puts something on a wish list one month and then goes and buys it myself the next. Hey - if I check the list and no one has bought it, and I still want it, isn't it fair game? I take it off right away! But, no, busted. Once again I'm too independent and don't let other people do things for me. I know, a blessing and a curse.

Anyway.... the point of this post.... is to share my sky-high wish list. All DVD sets and paperbacks aside.... Santa, if I am indeed on your nice list, here's what I really want for Christmas this year:

10. More time to spend with my friends. All of our lives are filling up with marriages and careers and mortgages, oh my! But we still need to spend quality time together just to remember how fun and supportive we are... so, that 25th hour in the day would really come in handy.

9. The courage to get over my ridiculous new driving-phobia (how's that for personal?) and get back behind the wheel again. I love not having a car, but lately I've really felt helpless and useless cuz I'm scared to drive. Let's get over that, shall we?

8. An end to the writers' strike, soon, so that LOST can stay on schedule. Yeah, priorities.

7. New furniture. That's pretty simple and tangible, I know, but I've had some of my stuff for so long... and most of what I got in my first apartment was just carbon copies of what my parents had when I was growing up. I want my place to look more like ME and less like what I thought it was supposed to look like 10 years ago.

6. Continued improvement in the Stef family's health, physically and emotionally, including my own.

5. More willpower and strength to resist temptations - of the tastebuds, the wallet, the heart, and the soul.

4. A Democratic victory in 2008. Let's paint the town blue!

3. To come home and see that Cleo has miraculously cleaned my apartment. She would so deserve that giant canister of catnip that her Grandma got her then!

2. World peace. (And a Winnebago)

1. Someone to love, who loves me back. Santa, think you can find me Mr. Right in your bag of tricks???

That's a pretty achievable list, eh? :-) I hope you all get exactly what you want... or what you need... this year.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Fresh Perspective

I am just now starting to realize the benefits of having a brother who just happens to be a high school guidance counselor. Over the last few months, little bro has actually become a really good person for me to talk to about whatever frustrations may be bringing me down. He's really good as a sounding board, and he gives sound advice too. It's surprising how much he's learned dealing with adolescents and teens... and it's more than a little sad how much all those experiences really do translate over into our adult lives. In many ways, we never leave those old patterns behind.

Tonight, in a conversation about difficult friendships where he professionally referenced the sociological concept of "girl wars" and I brought up the ever-popular "frenemies," he taught me some new lingo: ladders & anchors. These are two types of friends. In layman's terms.... ladders are the friends who help you advance, or rise up, and anchors are the friends who bring you down or keep you stuck in place. What a great description... I love it! I told him this new lingo makes me happy, cuz I like snappy labels for things. :-)

I really try to surround myself with ladders, and I really value the good influence they are on me. Ladder friends make me laugh, make me get my head out of the sand (or my a@@, wherever it might be), and help me find real solutions to whatever the problems may be. I've got lots of ladder friends, thank goodness.

I do have some anchor friends, too, but I've learned over the years that I need to manage those friendships and the amount of time I spend with those folks to keep it positive and not slip into that sometimes so tempting funk of self-perpetuating negativity. I definitely have had times in my life where I sought out anchors - heck, I probably even was the anchor for more than a few people - but as I've gotten older and gained more experience and insight, I really do try to be more positive and seek out others who promote the same kind of positivity.

We're all human, of course, and I'm just as likely to fall into that funk as anybody else... but I sure am glad to know I have so many good people - friends, family, peers - who remind me how healthy and satisfying it is just to stay positive. Thank you, ladders o' mine!

He Ain't Heavy

My little brother came to visit! We just had a very enjoyable 3-day Thanksgiving holiday, featuring food, folks, and fun. (But no McDonald's.) Like a few years ago when my parents visited, I got to play tour guide of this city that I love. Since little bro hadn't been to our nation's capital since the Reagan Administration, there was lots to show him.

Wednesday

Little bro got into town in time for lunch, and after grabbing some Potbelly's I gave him a tour of my office and our exhibits at the museum where I work. He was duly impressed (with the exhibits too, not just with the toasty sandwich). Eventually we made our way up to AdMo and then to Dupont, where Onyah and Reporter Boy joined us for a few hours of good greasy bar food and shuffleboard at Buffalo Billiards. Later, we took advantage of the wonderfully unseasonable weather and walked the Mall. I highly recommend visiting the monuments at night, it's when our city looks its best.

Thursday

Turkey Day! Once again, I benefited from the gracious hospitality and wonderful cooking of Mr. Scotte and Mr. J-Lo. Thanks boys, especially for being so welcoming of my little bro! We spent the day laughing, talking, eating, drinking, and watching movies, and my bro got to meet lots of folks from my DC circle, including this newlywed couple and one of these guys, plus Joyous and Jane Austen and the other newlyweds in their matching Hawaii t-shirts. This is why Thanksgiving has become my favorite holiday of the year. :-)

Friday

Friday was our whirlwind tour of DC's cultural offerings... and trust me, getting out and about the day after Thanksgiving is not for the faint-hearted. I can't imagine what the malls were like, but I can tell you that at the museums there were people - and strollers - EVERYWHERE!

We started with a morning visit to the International Spy Museum. This was actually my first time going, since I'd never found a reason to justify that high ticket price (grrr) before. But, we actually had a really good time! It's a very thorough look at espionage, ranging from all the modern gadgetry and disguise tricks to the role of spies throughout world history. The museum is very interactive, with a little something for everybody, and the exhibit is a lot bigger than you might think by looking at the building from outside. Plus, there's a great gift shop... with everything from Jack Bauer gear to Nancy Drew party games to Mao and Che t-shirts. Worth a trip!

After lunch at Austin Grill, we had some time to kill.... and made our way to the National Museum of Natural History. Normally this is one of my favorites of the Smithsonian, but the horrendous crowds were too much to battle. We explored a little bit of the Ice Age and dinosaur exhibits, which were almost dangerously mobbed, and found a newer exhibit on African Voices. This was pretty cool, and since it was sadly not at all crowded, we did get to explore. We fought our way upstairs through the hordes for a 2 second look at the Hope Diamond, and then burst back out onto Constitution Avenue for some air. Word to the wise... do NOT go to the Mall (or the mall) on Black Friday. Not if you value your personal space and comfort and actually want to SEE anything.

Then, at little bro's request, we hit the E Street Cinema to catch a matinee showing of what I'm happy to call the best film I've seen all year - No Country for Old Men. The cast is universally superb - with Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, and Woody Harrelson all inhabiting their West Texas cowboys perfectly. But the real center of this film - the cold, dark, mysterious center - is Javier Bardem's chillingly evil assassin. See this movie, and hope you never run into Bardem on the side of the highway.

After a dinner of lamb kabobs at Skewers, we finished our tour with the evening show of Keegan Theatre's Mojo Mickybo at the Church Street Theater. This was my first time in the Dupont theater space, and my first time seeing a Keegan show, but I was really impressed and will plan to check out more of both in the future. This play was a really fun, fast-moving two-man show about childhood in Belfast in 1970. As we were leaving, the folks asked us to spread the word and tell people to come see the show before it closes on 12/1, so.... see it!

At this point, we hit about the 12-hour mark of playing tourist, and we were exhausted.... it takes a lot out of you!

Saturday

And now it's Saturday morning, and my poor bro is stuck with at least an hour delay at National. I repeat my own mantra to you all... never fly Northworst. They're in the boring terminal and they are ALWAYS delayed. Ah well, he'll be home soon, and then we'll get to hang again in Bloomington in a few weeks. But I'm glad he's finally gotten a little taste of my world here.

The Best Policy

There's something to be said about recognizing mortality - your own or that of those you love.

I had dinner with someone really close to me tonight, and it was one of those evenings that featured some very deep conversations. I was very much in a sharing mood, talking about some of the ups and downs of my life this year, especially stories from my most recent trip to see my family in Indiana.

I revealed that this was really a very important visit, perhaps even more so in hindsight, and not just because of the paradigm-shifting time spent with the Dalai Lama. This trip also included some very deep conversations with my family, and I shared tonight that those conversations were some of the most honest ones I've ever had as an adult.

Normally, I'm a really non-confrontational person. I tend to absorb things, even the things that really bother me, and just keep them inside to fester, fester, fester. I often toss and turn long into the night, reliving past hurts and conversations that I wish had gone differently, losing sleep and a bit of my mind as the hours tick by. Tonight my dinner companion asked if I have trouble expressing myself, but that's not it. I (rather ironically considering the company) said no, I have no problem expressing myself and my frustrations to any 3rd party with a set of ears who happens to walk by... my problem is in expressing myself to the actual people who should be hearing what I'm saying!

My family gets along pretty well, for the most part, but there is a lot of baggage and history there like with most. And I'm the kid that moved away, so I don't see them very often and when I do there's rarely time to delve much deeper than a surface visit. And usually I don't think there's any reason to rock the boat, even if times come up when maybe I should.

BUT... this family visit was different. For the first time in a very long time, I actually said what was on my mind. Rather than just letting parental stuff bug me and continue to pile on top of years of little irks, I actually said "please don't say that....don't project what you think I'm thinking..." and articulated my own real feelings on the subject at hand. No nodding and fake, resigned smiles this time.

And you know what? There were breakthroughs. Like, seriously, real conversations about how we affect each other and how we relate to each other and how we are trying to cope with the lasting effects of our checkered history. With promises to try and listen, and communicate, and understand each other better in the future.

Wow. Families don't have to be little powder kegs of hurt feelings, or sadness, or regret, or misplaced guilt... they can actually just be people trying to care for each other and enjoy each other's company. Amazing.

My dinner companion was a great listener, and after hearing my revelations said "This was your first trip back, right?" As in, was this was my first visit since there was a real health crisis this summer? Actually, it was the 2nd, but my first trip in September was so quick that there wasn't really time to explore thoughts further than "Wow, I'm so glad you're alive!" This visit was longer and allowed for a lot more quality time spent with each other. I hadn't really thought more about it myself, but what my friend was getting at was true. Even though I was not there in person in the midst of the crisis, it has had its lasting effects -- and I think this newfound commitment to honesty may be one of the best. Because life is too damn short, and we truly love each other too much, to choose any other way. Another breakthrough.

Now.... I just need to work on figuring out how to be more honest with myself. I'm my own toughest customer, for sure. I should look back over my notes and see what the Dalai Lama's advice is about that!

Junk

I've just returned from spelunking. Kinda. In my embarrassingly scary front closet!

One of the major pro's to my apartment, outweighing many of the con's, is that I have two gigantic closets off of my foyer, and I can store all kinds of crap in them. Tonight, I learned just how much crap I've piled in there over the last 4 years.

I am heading to IN tomorrow for another trip with the fam, and this time with the Dalai Lama. (Hooray!) At about 10:15, I had an aha! light bulb moment and thought of a really great way I could surprise my Dad when I see him tomorrow.

As I shared a while back, Dad has started playing the piano. He's still taking weekly lessons from a really talented IU music professor, and he's been working his way through all of the levels of piano books, learning a lot of classics on the way. But I noticed last time I visited that he does not have much "fun stuff" to play, and - selfishly - I was surprised when I went to tickle the ivories myself that a lot of my favorite old music wasn't to be found. "Huh," I thought, "Could I have taken that music with me?" I vaguely remembered having Mom send me all my sheet music about 10 years ago, when I moved to Pittsburgh with my rockin' 5-octave Casio keyboard. (Long gone, of course.)

Tonight, I remembered this little mystery, and set out to find all of my 80's-era sheet music. Which required digging in deep to the aforementioned giant closet.

The good news is that I found the music - hooray! What a treasure trove! Dad's gonna be psyched with most of what I've got: books of the Eagles and Simon & Garfunkel's greatest hits, the complete sheet music for Miss Saigon, Les Miserables, Cats, and The Phantom of the Opera, standards like Sinatra's "New York, New York" and Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer," really random 80's hits from the likes of Whitney Houston and Peter Cetera, the "Chariots of Fire" theme (but of course), and - the best of the bunch - the two-volume complete works of Billy Joel up through The Bridge ("This is the time...to remember...."). Mock the Billy Joel all you want, that's some darn good piano music.

The bad news, as you may have guessed, is that I had to wade through a whole lot of totally useless crap to find my music stash. Seriously... it was rather shaming to go through box after rubbermaid bin after box after bin of complete junk. It would be one thing if this stuff was useful, but I have NO IDEA why I may have kept this stuff -- old wall calendars, tons of college and high school photos in cheap frames, never-used alternate face plates for old cell phones, boxes of electronics that are long broken, shoe boxes filled with cancelled checks from 3 bank accounts ago, notepads from my desk 3 jobs ago, it goes on and on. I honestly can't remember if I did any sorting over my last 2 moves, or if I was always just so rushed that I threw everything in boxes. Funny. That stuff doesn't mysteriously go away... it just stays in those boxes!

The worst....? I found 2 tubs' worth of crap that I know came out of the trunk of my car, which I sold in March 2004. Including about 200 cassette tapes. Yes, think back in your memories, folks. Cassette tapes. I remember after I got rid of my old stereos and my Walkman (how quaint), I just kept all those tapes in the car cuz that's the only place I'd use them. Now? No car, but suddenly 200 long-forgotten cassette tapes. And these are tapes I'd had since about 5th grade. Seriously, the "Miami Vice" soundtrack. That's what I'm talking 'bout!

What in the heck does one do with old cassettes these days? Any ideas???

Ah well. I've been looking for a reason to use up more vacation time before year-end. Looks like I could have a very scary day of cleaning out the closets. Or.... I could just pile up all the boxes again and wish really hard that the stuff will just go away. What do you think???

My Path to Enlightenment

Every year, my mom and I take some trip together to somewhere new in the US, where we do all the typical cultural tourist stuff - seeing museums, taking walking or boat tours, trying restaurants, etc. This year, our trip (hiking in Maine) had to be cancelled due to family medical stuff, which has had me pretty bummed out.

But, earlier this week Mom called me with an offer I couldn't refuse... she asked if I wanted to come visit them in Bloomington for an extra week this fall and join her in taking classes.

What are the classes? Three days of spiritual teaching from the Dalai Lama!

His Holiness visits Bloomington each year, as he has family living in the area and there is actually a pretty large Tibetan community.

I'm really looking forward to this. I don't know a lot about Buddhism, but I've always wanted to learn more so this will be a great opportunity. It has been a long time since I've explored the more philosophical side of life - I was a religion major, once upon a time - and it feels like this is a pretty good time to do it. Plus, I'll get an extra added visit in with my parents, which as I'm learning becomes more and more valuable as we all get older.

So now I'm counting down the days to this fall!

Eight-Eight

Today is a very special day!

Not only is it my parents' 37th anniversary - congrats! - but, it also is the TEN YEAR anniversary of when a certain furry little someone first came home!!!!

And life has never been the same since. Three cheers - or meows - for trusty cat Cleo!

Doctor's Orders

Don't get sick.

That's the advice my Dr. Dad gave me. I just got off the phone with him, and he just got out of the hospital after a whirlwind 2-week exploration of the state of modern medicine.

All's well with his own health, thank God, after a major scare. But he's now more pissed off than I've heard in years, disgusted at the way he was treated by corporate medicine. His surgery went well and his experience with his actual doctors and the few days he spent in the ICU were very positive, but once he was transferred out of the ICU to the regular surgical recovery floor, everything went to hell.

Putting aside all of the financial shockers (a la Sicko) that they've gone through in the last 2 weeks, Dad had his health, his intelligence, and even his dignity attacked repeatedly over the last several days.

He's a diabetic, and that was noted all over his chart for instructions on both monitoring of his glucose levels and for the meals provided. So, what were they regularly bringing diabetic Dad for his breakfast? Pancakes and syrup with orange juice. What?? He would complain and ask to get diabetic meals brought, but was told that what he had was fine. Well, he knew better, so he just didn't eat most of they brought and asked my mom to bring him things when she came for the 2-hour visiting times. Where's the accountability? Shouldn't SOMEONE be linking the info in his chart, let alone the info he was telling them about his diabetes, to what kind of meals he should have? They do NOT want a heart patient going into insulin shock under their care, but it doesn't seem they're doing much to prevent it.

And it wasn't just Dad, of course. Another patient nearby needed medication every day at 8 am, but the nurses regularly wouldn't bring it until 11 or so, when the poor man was already in pain and suffering.

Dad regularly had questions about medication, procedures, etc., and would ask the nurses or residents who came to check on him. But he never got answers - he never saw the same person more than once in a day, as different shifts of people kept coming in and there was no consistency of communication. Or if he had asked a question, it wouldn't be 'til hours later that someone would come back with an answer. By that time, Dad would be hopped up on pain medication and not able to follow what they were saying. He asked repeatedly for people to call my Mom to update her or get her help, but they wouldn't.

Worst of all, he's been in the hospital since Tuesday morning and just got out today, and in all that time no one from the hospital bathed him. Mom tried to help him get clean the last 2 days when she was in visiting, but there were no baths or showers. And there was no one to help him go to the bathroom - the nurses literally would get him out of bed and into a chair in the morning and not come back for hours, but would give him a little urinal to use if he needed to. And it was up to my Mom to change the sheets, too.

Where's the dignity in any of this? How is someone supposed to feel good enough to heal if their basic needs aren't met? And Dad is not the typical patient - he's a doctor himself and knows a lot better about what medical care should be like, what it used to be like. He's intelligent, he'll complain, and he's also confident and assertive and, frankly, financially strong enough to demand better care. So if that's Dad's experience, what must it be like for patients who are outsiders to the world of medicine?

Dad can't say enough good things about the surgeons who have helped him through all of this, but the state of hospital administration and staffing is just abysmal. He'd see his surgeons just twice a day, the rest of the time being (barely) attended to by residents, nurses, and mostly by nursing students. Obviously, some of those people are very caring, compassionate caregivers - but they are stretched too thin. Something is wrong with this picture. I'm sure it all comes back to economics, somehow, and our capitalist system not creating enough opportunities or incentive for qualified people to enter the health care field. Whatever the cause, something's gotta change.

Otherwise, Dad's warning to me was simple. Don't get sick, or if you do, prepare to be a nasty, mean bitch to get the care that you need.

The fact that that's a doctor's advice to his own daughter is a pretty sad state of affairs.

Jealous Much?

I am!

My mom just called to tell me she and my Dad have figured out their plans for their joint 60th birthday celebration, which will hit for both of them in 2008.

Now, some parents may want a big party, or maybe a romantic weekend trip somewhere.

But no, not my ridiculously carefree globe-trotting parents.

They plan to climb Mount Kilimanjaro!



It's a 7-day hike up the mountain with guides and porters and such, and they'll extend the trip to spend some time in Botswana. They have been to Africa 4 or 5 times already and said all they really want to do for their birthday is go back. Mom really wants to go now before the snows of Kilimanjaro all melt. (See Al Gore's movie for details.) They're all ready - planning to use their hiking gear from Amazon trips and their winter gear from their trip to Antarctica. Do you kinda hate them a little bit? Yeah, me too. They're even hiring a trainer to get them in shape for climbing the mountain.

And how did they come up with this plan? They read an article about it in the paper this morning. By the end of the day, they'd made all the calls and set up their arrangements.

Wow, I really wish I had my parents' life!

Holiday Highlights

Hey gang, I'm back from Bloomington! Have no fear, Indiana is as quiet and God-fearing as ever. As if there was any doubt!

A few highlights from my 6 days in the heartland:

* I went to a college women's basketball game. The Lady Hoosiers beat the women of Kansas easily, but the game was pretty sloppy since most of the team had the flu. Poor girls! And I felt incredibly old. These COLLEGE players were born in 1987 and 1988. And the cheerleaders looked, like, 6.

* Whenever I go to Bloomington, my mom treats me to a massage with her therapist. Oh. My. God. This woman finds knots I didn't even know I had, and this time my shoulders were still sore a day and a half later! Hurts so good.

* Mom and I saw The Pursuit of Happyness. This one's pretty darn good, and I do admit to tearing up a bit at the end. Will Smith continues to be the most likable man on the planet, but he's nearly outcharmed by his unbelievably adorable son Jaden. It's a feel-good story with an end you can predict before even walking in, but it's still enjoyable watching Will and Jaden scraping to find their own version of the American dream. The triumph of the human spirit is rarely this palatable. I recommend it.

* Then, all 4 of us went to see The Good Shepherd. This is the rather lengthy story of Matt Damon's character, who rises from being a romantic young poetry student to a member of the Skull and Bones to a leader of the OSS and the new counter-intelligence unit of the CIA. The casting is pretty amazing, with Damon supported by Angelina Jolie, William Hurt, Michael Gambon, Billy Crudup, Joe Pesci, the always remarkable Alec Baldwin, and even director Robert DeNiro in a charismatic role. Yet, with an epic storyline and such impressive players, the movie didn't really grab me. My family loved it, but I just didn't find myself relating to the story much. I think that's because Damon is supposed to play a stoic, inscrutable man of secrets - which he does well, but then you never get attached to the character at all. Meh.

* We ate A LOT of food. My parents are still on some combo Atkins (Dad) / South Beach (Mom) thing, so there was a lot of meat and protein, all the time. Lamb, pork, steaks, shrimp, eggs, cheese... I found myself craving just some nice wheat toast or a piece of fruit! I can't believe I made it so long being a vegetarian / non-red-meat-eater with them for so long. It was all tasty, but I think I've met my red meat quota for the next month!

* A scenic drive through Bloomington's upper crust (heh) neighborhoods to see their holiday lights proved yet again that behemoth McMansions - be they Tudor, Gothic, Colonial, or Ultramodern in style - built totally on top of each other with no trees, no landscaping, and giant SUVs in the yard are not for me, no matter how tasteful their white candles in every window.

* On Christmas night, we kept up our now annual tradition of going to my parents' friends' house for dessert and interesting, overeducated, liberal, world-traveling conversation. Whis is fun enough on its own -- but for me, I look forward to it every year cuz it means I can down TWO big glasses of the highest-test egg nog around! :-)

And, now I'm back home.... with a very happy trusty cat Cleo purring at my side and Netflix on the tv. Finally, *I* get to choose what's on and it's not another football game! I'm glad to be back!

Calling All Pet Lovers

I am openly soliciting discussion and advice on a topic I know very little about:

Pet Insurance.

Is it a scam? Or is it a worthwhile investment in the healthy future of a beloved member of the family?

Trusty cat Cleo has always been a very healthy girl, but she is rapidly approaching her 10th birthday. As she gets to be a middle-aged kitty, I've been thinking about whether I need to do more to plan for her future.

I was brought up to be a firm believer in the quality of life as a major factor in determining any long-term care decisions, for people as well as pets. I do think there is a tipping point between keeping a loved one alive for themselves versus for the family, whatever the reasons you might have for not wanting to let go. So I know that when Cleo's time comes, as painful as it may be for me, the last thing I would ever want is to force her to linger if she's suffering.

All of that being said, there are quite possibly many good, healthy years left for her - there better be! - and there is an infinite variety of things that just may happen that would require veterinary care. And the last thing I would ever want to have to face is being torn between making a decision on a procedure or a treatment that would help her, but that I can't afford. I mean, heck, even a simple, routine teeth cleaning sets you back a few hundred dollars! (Though with my vet, it's almost worth the price to see the ridiculous logo-printed bandanna they dress her in while they have her asleep...I giggled for hours at her indignity!)

So that's what brings me back to the question of pet insurance. Does anyone out there have a pet policy? Or have any advice about the good, the bad, and the ugly associated with the idea of pet insurance?

I mean, come on, just look at this face.... wouldn't you want to take care of her, too? :-)