I've Had Enough of Cinderella

Brunette and I had a great conversation today over sushi (as most of our best convo's are) about romantic expectations, particularly the unrealistic kind. How much are our dreams and our choices shaped by the love stories we see on the screen?

I have my moments of being a hopeless romantic...and that probably has not served me well in real life. I've always been one to hang on or hold out for way too long, because I've developed these elaborate fantasies in my head about living some grand romance. I want a love story for the ages, as if it had been scripted by screenwriters... so it's quite fitting that they're currently on strike.

I have spent years of my life hoping for - and trying to force - one of those tried-and-true formulaic Hollywood stories. You know the one, in which two best friends finally realize after years of ups and downs that they're right for each other... the Harry and Sally moment...."the search is over, love was right before my eyes....." Ugh.

And I'm pretty tired of it. Sure, it's one thing to be a total 'shipper as a tv and movie fan... cuz how can you not root for the hero and heroine to realize that they're soul mates? Ross and Rachel trying to open that locked Central Perk door and have their earth-shattering kiss...Pam pouring out her soul to Jim after walking across hot coals...and Big following Carrie to the most romantic city on Earth.

Great moments in tv relationship history. But not so great for this little heart of mine, cuz it keeps selling me more and more on those unrealistic dreams.... Cinderella may have been swept off her feet, but she too was a fictional character.

So, in honor of our modern classic heroine, I sit here on my laptop and pose to you my faithful readers the following:

Would the world be better off if Carrie and Big had never ended up together? Was this just another Cinderella story setting us up for disappointment?

I'm not saying I should give up on the hope for romance... but that I need to redefine what romance is. With all the fantasies pushed aside, I want something real. And that means I need to open myself up to something real, and not keep clinging so tightly to these notions that I should accept nothing other than the fantasy or the melodrama. Someday my Prince will come, too... but he may just be a regular guy in a polo shirt and jeans. And I'm ready for that. You hear me, universe?!?

Somewhat related side note: Even though I've never seen a full episode of American Idol, I have to confess that the AI-style mainstream pop songs are one of my guiltiest pleasures. Currently, I'm addicted to that new Jordin Sparks song "Tattoo." I first heard it when she sang on the Pillsbury float in the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. Marketing works, even the shameless kind.... I'm such a product of pop culture.

Fight or Flight?

As I am rapidly approaching my 32nd birthday (holy crap! how'd that happen?), I like to think that I have grown into a fairly confident, independent, self-assured young woman of the world. And most of the time that is what I am. Except every once in a while, my not-so-confident inner self emerges to wreak havoc on my day. (The farm girl in me calls it my "inner chickensh*t self", for good reason.)

Case in point: Today, when I totally ruined my own lunch plans.

I had an agenda for my lunch hour, as I wanted to go to a quiet place nearby to buy my lunch and sit and read, as I'm woefully behind in the book that I'm leading the discussion of tomorrow night. I thought I could probably get in a good 50 pages at lunch which would keep me on pace to finish in time.

So I headed to this quiet lunch place feeling all happy and ready to have an hour to myself. Then, from outside I could see in to one of the tables. And I wasn't sure, but I *thought* I might have seen a Very Important Person from the Past sitting alone at a table. I have not seen VIPP in person in a very, very long time. In my mind, I've built it up so that whatever this first chance encounter with VIPP will be should be one in which I am fabulous and happy and not stressed or wind-blown or carrying a dorky book bag at all. You know what I mean. I was really not ready for this first encounter to take place today.

I was pot-committed, as I'd already walked up to the door, so I did go in to the lunch place and faked quickly surveying the menu, and kind of looked around in a different part of the store for a few minutes hoping I could then make a clean exit. At this point, I still wasn't sure if this was VIPP or not. But I didn't want to stick around long enough to find out.

Just as I was about to make my break for the door, maybe-VIPP got up and started to exit as well. So I was a freak and turned around again quickly pretending to be eyeing something on a shelf. Hi, Dork, party of 1, your table is ready!

~VIPP left the place, and I waited about 2 minutes and then exited myself. Why? There was no longer any danger of the nervous chance encounter! No need to worry about the awkward conversation! But still, the whole place felt tainted and I had to go.

So I went to a totally different lunch place, got something to go, and just went back to my office. I prompty marched up to 2 Office gal pals and said "I am chickensh*t!" and then proceeded to explain the whole story. I had bailed on my own lunch plans, which I had been looking forward to, just to avoid a possible encounter with someone who may or may not have been VIPP. At this point, I'm leaning towards not, that it was a total stranger. What?!?!?

Now, both the Office gal pals said they would have done the same thing, and that "run away!" is the appropriate response in such a scenario. But I can't help feeling like a big loser -- like maybe I need to give myself that "you are a strong, independent woman" pep talk that I often dole out to others.

My DC Hub

Over the last 4 years of my singledom here in DC, there's one place that has become the hub of all of my various social activities: 1633 P Street NW, home of both Cafe Luna and Skewers.

I can't even remember all of the great times, great meals, and great conversations I've had in this building...

Two book clubs have met here, discussing English Victorian prostitutes and epic sea voyages with Bengal tigers over pasta and the immigrant experience and creepy doll museums over kabobs.

I've wowed my mom with eclectic, authentic city living over a bowl of mussels and a huge salad.

A coworker and I shared martinis while going through a giant stack of resumes to hire a new position.

I've welcomed alums new to DC here through comfort-food meals, and I've ended up with one really close friend out of those long-ago Evites.

I've taken two men whom I've loved there, and I had a boozy late-night meal with a friend to debrief on a new crush I was enjoying...the memories of the meals lasted longer than the dream of those relationships, but what can you say?

Last winter, I regularly indulged in decadent solo meals and toasty warm drinks before going to National Geographic lectures nearby.

This building was a beacon of hope for me in 2004, when I led a meetup group that worked really hard to try to effect change. That didn't work so well either, but I made some great friends out of it.

Plus I had a really horrible first date in that building, with a guy who started talking about his ideal pet while pushing his nose up into his face and making oinking sounds. Nice!

If you've never sampled the cheap, hearty, delicious food and friendly ambience at these two great restaurants, I recommend you try it soon. You just might run into me there! :-)

What's In a Name?

Here's another post that's going to clue you guys in as to why I'm still so hopelessly single... the truth is, I'm a dreamy romantic at heart who still believes in the fantasy. Just in general, you know, not really any particular fantasy. (That's subject matter for an entirely different kind of post.)

So, anyway, my story...

There is a certain name that always gives me a little thrill. The dreamy romantic in me believes that it just might be the name of my, dare I say it, "soul mate." (Laugh if you must.) Why?

Well, a long time ago, I had a series of dreams in which that name featured prominently. For several nights in a row, I dreamt of falling in love. The circumstances in each dream changed, the "how we met" story changed, even the type of guy kept changing in each dream. But one thing stayed the same - the man's name.

Each morning I would wake up with that name on my mind, and it's stuck with me. Maybe it means nothing, maybe I'm silly to hold onto it, but I still have a tiny little hope that one day I'll meet a man with that name and suddenly - Pow! - my world will change, the trumpets will sound, the angels will sing, you know...the whole package.

Well, today, I had a meeting with a guy by that name. I'd met him a few months before in a somewhat interesting circumstance, and while no little bells or whistles went off my silly heart did sort of go wooooosh just at being introduced and learning his name. Nothing ever came of it, but today we reconnected working on a project and it sounds like we'll probably be talking again. I still don't think anything's going to happen there, but I admit that before the meeting I still had a tiny little woooosh of anticipation. Just because of his name.

Am I crazy for still hoping for the fairy tale?

I'm Changing My Name to Havisham

It's happening. You know how when you graduate from college, suddenly a whole bunch of people you know start getting engaged and having weddings? And that's usually a good time, cuz it's an easy excuse for getting all your gang of friends together soon after graduation, and everyone's still really excited and full of hope and idealism at all of 22 years of age. People older than you will tell you to enjoy that whole first round of weddings, because it'll be several years before that next round of "life passages" will start happening in your group of friends.

Well, hell. That second round has hit in my life, with a vengeance. Would you believe that FIVE couples I know have gotten engaged in the last month? FIVE?!?!?!?!?

And all the while, I'm still single old me, who can't even get anyone to write me back on Match.com. Ouch.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for all these couples, and each couple is absolutely at the right stage in their lives to be making this step and they're just brimming over with happiness. It's really fun to watch. On one level.

But it's starting to get harder for me to flash the big smiles and give the hugs on the outside, all the while thinking "Be happy for them, don't feel sorry for yourself."

Yes, I know I'm really happy in about 75% of my life. But it's that remaining 25% that leaves me really lonely and sad whenever I let my guard down. I'm terrified that I'm on the road to permanent spinsterhood. I meah, heck, I already have the cat!

So, new rule for all of my friends: If, by chance, you are about to tell me that you are getting engaged (and there are a couple of you out there who could be in this boat soon), you're not to expect any big smiles or squeals or hugs unless you've brought along a fix-up date for me!

Practice, Practice, Practice!

I had a great conversation last week with someone about the nature of online dating. This person is now happily involved in a relationship that seems like it has real potential for the future, but she didn't meet this person online and I knew she'd had her ups and downs doing the dot-com-dating thing. So I asked her opinion, as to whether she thought it was useful or just a lot of wasted time and money.

She said that she honestly never felt like she was going to find the right guy for her online, but she still did it cuz she considered it all very important "practice" for when she'd meet the real someone special.

Hmmm....interesting. I too still have somewhat of that romantic schoolgirl's notion that I will meet someone who will sweep me off my feet, and I've never really felt that it would be over email. But her idea of "practicing" is very interesting.

Frankly, I've never been really good about practicing anything. In school, I very quickly learned how to sign my mom's signature to the band form saying I practiced my flute every night. Although that adventure only lasted 4 years, I took piano lessons for about 10 years and I was never very good about practicing my assignments. I was pretty good by the time I finished taking lessons in high school, but I hold firm to the belief that if I'd practiced regularly, I would've been great. Although maybe that's just my defense mechanism -- "I don't need to try to achieve and then fail cuz I can always just blame it on my own indifference and lack of discipline." You know, set low expectations for yourself and you'll exceed them.

But, lately I've been watching the people around me start getting more and more serious in their relationships (yep, last week, a certain someone got a ring!) and I really feel that I'm missing out on the fun and adventure of getting to know another person. And the traditional methods aren't working. All my beloved guy friends are no help - 4 out of the 5 of them don't even seem to have any single guy friends at all, they just hang out with women all the time! And the fifth? Well, his friends are entertaining but much, much younger. I meet a ton of people through work, but so far they're all married or just out of the realm of possibility. I take classes and join book clubs and stuff like that, but it seems all my interests are only shared by other women or gay men. So, more fun people to join me for happy hour, but no dating material. What else am I supposed to be doing to meet guys?

So, alas, I have resigned myself to going back to the well and trying one more time. Match.com, I am back. And this time I think I need to be a little more aggressive and not draw out the email-courting period, and just cut to the "let's meet" part sooner. Maybe that means I'll actually have a date for the first time in, oh, way too long. This will be much harder now that Match.com gets the evil firewall of death at my office, so I can only work on this from home. But I have finally accepted that it is actually *work* - and let's just hope it's good practice for the real thing. Or, heck, maybe the stars will prove me wrong and I just might meet a great guy. Wish me luck!

I Am So Ready for Fall

It is ridiculously hot out yet again. In just walking from the Metro to the grocery store to my apartment, I felt like I was going to melt. Yuck. I was trying to strategically plan my route there and back based on which blocks were the shadiest. Sadly, there was no real way to stay out of the sun. I am so over this heat. Bring on October!

Another reason why I'm looking forward to fall is the eventual start of the new tv season. Summer's great for socializing and catching up on movies, but the advent of the fall tv season always means I'm happier just staying in and saving some money while I get back involved in favorite shows.

As I explained to Scotte and DancerInDc earlier today, I have reached a new level of tv nerd-dom this year. Since there seem to be an unusually high number of changes in the primetime schedule this year, especially with the emergence of the new CW, I really dorked out and made myself a little spreadsheet of what shows I reall want to watch. I know, I'm crazy, but how else am I going to remember what nights my shows are on? I'd hate to miss a season premiere in those first few weeks!

I have most of my tv nights mapped out nicely, but there are a few time slots that are going to require very difficult decisions:

Sunday:
This is an easy night, although it's very different than the last 2 years...
8 pm: The Amazing Race (a new day and time!)
9 pm: Desperate Housewives
10 pm: Without a Trace (although I don't always stay up this late, so I can miss it)

Monday:
I could fit a new shows in here, but we'll see how they turn out...
8 pm: The Class (a new one... any good?)
8:30 pm: How I Met Your Mother
9 pm: Vanished (another new one - looks like an interesting serialized suspense drama)
10 pm: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (I'll give this a try. It looks like it may just be The West Wing in Hollywood -- but that could be okay.)

Tuesday:
This one features my hardest time slot - go with an old favorite that started to suck last year? Or a reality competition that I love and that only lasts a few weeks? Or a reliable drama that I always enjoy?
8 pm: Gilmore Girls or Dancing with the Stars or House
9 pm: Veronica Mars (I have to hurry up and watch Season 2 on DVD so I'll be all caught up!)

Wednesday:
This is one of two nights where I will have actual "appointment television" - as in a time slot where I will schedule NOTHING else until reruns start:
8 pm: Dancing with the Stars results show or Jericho (If I don't watch DWTS I may switch to the new Skeet Ulrich drama if it doesn't suck.)
9 pm: LOST (like there was any question?)

Thursday:
The 2nd night of appointment tv, which is a big change from last year:
9 pm: Grey's Anatomy (Forget McDreamy, that jerk. Bring on McSteamy!)

The rest of the time slots don't really matter, so that'll be social time, or Netflix, or basic cable, or reading.... of course, I may decide to make a few changes after I get EW's annual fall tv preview whenever that comes out.

So what are you looking forward to this fall?