Families

Funny how spending a weekend with your friends' families can make you think a lot about your own. I love my family, but we're a bit of an oddity cuz it really is just the 4 of us as our own family unit. Mom, Dad, big sis, little bro. We have virtually nonexistent relationships with the extended family on either side because there have been a lot of bad things said and done over the years.

Many of my friends have told me they think it's really sad that I don't know my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.... Perhaps it adds to that general air of emotional aloofness that I know I sometimes have, but I'm actually ok with it. I don't really have any interest in getting to know my relatives any better. Both sides have a lot of bad blood between them, and what it boils down to is that both of my parents have been really hurt by their parents and siblings.

Most of this has been ancient family history for much of my lifetime, but unfortunately the old issues are starting to rear their ugly heads again. My mom is having a particularly rough time. Her father is in assisted living and while his health is good, Alzheimer's is taking a toll on his memories. And her mother is now about to move in to a separate assisted living facility because she really can't live on her own anymore. She is also suffering from Alzheimer's and no longer remembers who my mother is, let alone my brother and me. My mom and her 2 sisters just had a horrendous fight this weekend, and her youngest sister spewed all kinds of evil in my mom's direction. She's now ready to just wash her hands of the entire situation - she's been the black sheep since she was a kid and even now, when family should matter most, she's being entirely cut out.

So what do you say as the kid in this situation? It's so hard to watch your parent being hurt by these people who should love them. I don't know these relatives from Adam - in fact, I wouldn't know my aunts if I ran into them on the street - but obviously their words and actions mean a lot to my mother, and all she wants is to be considered and treated like a member of the family. It's heart-breaking. Bad enough that her own mother doesn't remember who she is, but to have her sisters be so mean about it is just unforgivable. I feel a strange sort of reverse-Mama Bear reaction, wanting to go find her sisters and just slap them, hard. Maybe kick them in the shins, too.

I didn't ever intend to include really personal stuff on this blog - but I think this is a situation that other folks my age may be experiencing, watching parents deal with the heartache of caring for their parents. The broken relationships in my family are just an added bonus.