I was just sitting here, slightly hung over on a Saturday morning, watching a DVD of 6 episodes of Sex and the City. At the end of the disc, it's the one where Carrie and Big have the huge fight about how he might move to Paris and he never told her it was in the works, and she realized that the relationship wasn't working. She decided that they needed to be over, that she needed to cut him out of her life, and then they had a bittersweet final moment.
Well, whammo! I burst into a spontaneous crying fit.
I usually try not to blog about this part of my life, but since I'm sitting here alone and no one's answering their texts, I need to express it somehow...
The situation is totally different, but I have had to make a decision like that over the last few months. I finally recognized that a major relationship wasn't working - that it was actually hurting, and I had to go cold turkey, removing the whole relationship from my life. It's been really hard to do, especially in the last few weeks because a few of those bittersweet moments have started cropping up, as he's trying to reconnect. I'm softening a bit but remain strongly committed to the concept of moving on. But those moments make it harder. Someone on a blog somewhere this week posted a comment that was so true -- something to the effect of "every new interaction resets the healing clock." That's what I'm going through right now. My head is totally moving forward, but that heart of mine is not finding it as easy.
If this was my decision, why does it hurt so much?
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I'm assuming that was a somewhat rhetorical question - but our intellect and emotions rarely coordinate as well as we'd like. So, you can really WANT to not care about something, WANT to never think about it again...and yet, it will still pop up. Maybe that's your subconscious' way of saying that you have some unfinished business? Dunno. Clearly, I don't have this figured out, either. But I'm certainly sympathetic!
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